Joker: J'Maggeddon
Joker: J'Mageddon. Ok. If you're in the right circles, the news is out. Warner Bros. is done with the Joker antics. They've officially announced a cease and desist to anyone working on the Joaquin Phoenix film-based saga and...whatever's been going on for a while now. But if you thought that meant they didn't have one last surprise up their sleeve... You're damn wrong. Through the power of celebrity look-alikes and some decent CGI, WB did the unthinkable. They released a massive video in-house, but it didn't just feature Joaquin's Joker. It was all of them. This is it. The dreary apocalypse of the Joker Saga. No fake-outs this time. We begin with Joker walking into a preschool classroom and ripping the fattest fucking juul known to mankind. The teacher just stares dumbfounded as Joker sits down and just fucking rips, making this loud-ass horn sound and causing the fucking screen to shake. He starts mockingly making fucking horn playing motions on his juul and yelling "doo doo doo" the third "doo" being suddenly much louder and deeper, thanks to the smoke as Joker's pupils shrink. Joker suddenly starts violently shaking and puking up his smoked-out intestines. In front of a fucking preschool class. The teacher tries to stop him, but Joker tilts to the side and spews some fucking disgusting black liquid out of his mouth at the teacher. Joker says "please be patient" in a computerized man's voice, starts counting down from 5 on his hand. Then he explodes into a mess of black fucking blood, organs, and rice. All over the kids' assignments. Suddenly, a massive portal comes out of Joker's decimated nostril. We see Joker emerge alive and well, alongside 3 other Jokers- appearing as they were played by Heath Ledger, Jack Nicholson, and Jared Leto, respectively. Leto Joker says "are farts in the Flemish vernacular?" and rips a fat fart, collapsing the preschool. We then cut to Ledger Joker pissing in a public restroom with the door open whilst a slowed-down "Bohemian Rhapsody" plays. Nicholson Joker starts fucking throwing hands with the teacher and gets his ass beat, getting thrown into a chalkboard as these weird-ass fade-ins of the fucking 'Banana Splits' Horror Movie overlay. Then we see Bert. From Sesame Street. He has the Soul Stone in his pocket. He's in a strip mall inside a Yankee Candle, replacing all their scents with some fucking ass scented candles he bought online. He then pulls these chains out of nowhere and starts whipping chains like the fucking Ghost Rider. People start screaming. Bert starts mockingly singing the theme from 'Up' as he slowly chases after an old couple. A worker tries to stop him, but Bert swings his chains and knocks him 20 feet across the room. Suddenly, Leto Joker appears. Bert scrunches up his face and slowly turns around, saying "YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH 2 CHAINZ" in a double-tone Tupac-esque voice. Leto Joker whips out a rubber duck and starts singing. Rubber Duckie, Sacré Bleu- before getting whipped by Bert. Bert says "You're not Joker. You're just a FUCKING JOKE!" to which Leto Joker turns into a fucking Picasso Painting with realistic human teeth and eyes and screams. We then cut back to Joaquin's Joker in the fucking cafeteria of the preschool he was in before. He grabs a tray and starts swinging his arms low and rapping some fuck-ass screamo music. He has no beat, and the rap sounds like shit. Suddenly, he farts so fucking loud that his back gets thrown out and he falls, dropping the tray and losing his sense of smell for 47 minutes. He gets up looking EXTREMELY pissed with blood all over his face, and suddenly JUMPS over the counter, says "what can I get for you?" before crossing his eyes, grabbing his nose, putting on a pair of glasses, and mockingly saying "no, just the plate" as the quality suddenly changes to shit-ass cam footage with Chinese subtitles as Joker sticks his fingers into his mouth and vomits all over the food before lighting a barfy pasta noodle on fire and "vaping" through it. Joker shoves what had to be at least 30 plates up his ass and the footage cuts out right as he begins to yell. We suddenly cut to Jack fucking Skellington reading "What Happened?" by Hillary Clinton. He says "what is this shit?" as the instrumental of "What's This?" begins to play. He SLAMS the book on the ground so hard the instrumental cuts out and the footage stops while some fucking set piece falls down and causes an explosion, blasting some fucking worker 5 feet in the air. The Disney logo appears. Suddenly, Stephen Fry is heard saying "LittleBigPlanet 4. Where we just don't give a fuck." and footage of a SHITTY videogame appears on screen, showing LittleBigPlanet's Sackboy graphically killing enemies with a glock and shouting ebonics while half naked women run across the screen. Then, finally, after all this time, Batman appears. Batman finally fucking shows up again. We see Batman running into the cafeteria Joker was in and SLAMMING Joker's head into the counter. Except, it's Nicholson's Joker. He screams, suddenly grows 20 years older, and passes out. Suddenly, Joaquin's Joker comes TEARING ASS into the kitchen and firing off a machine gun while "The Sign" plays. Nicholson's Joker seemingly gets killed and Batman's armor gets dented but he ultimately defeats Joker. That's when the fucking "I got 5 on it Us Movie horror remix" drop plays as a fucking school bus crashes through the walls and hits Batman. Ledger's Joker gets out with a bunch of thugs. For some reason, there was another Ledger Joker in the background of the scene, but he was played by some Asian actor I didn't recognize. Ledger Joker and the thugs charge Batman as the ground detonates and they start fighting in the sewers below. Then, fucking Killer Croc shows up. He grabs Ledger Joker and bites him in half before shitting. Batman says "what the f-" before he, too gets eaten and promptly shat out. Then a massive Ledger Joker tears the roof off of the universe and reaches into the 3 dimensional plane to eat Croc, and then shits HIM out, which causes the Koreas to finally reunite. Batman reveals that it was actually just his robo-bat decoy the entire time, as Joaquin's Joker shows up, looking shittily green-screened in, and says "That's a shitty plot twist. DC can just never let you die, huh? Y'know what? Fuck DC, fuck Geoff Johns, fuck paranoid-ass Miller and fuck Alan Moore. Fuck the United States, fuck the industry, fuck Mexico, fuck Russia, fuck Bulgaria, fuck the Nintendo 3ds, fuck 2002, fuck MCR, fuck-" Before Batman fucking LOSES it, runs up to Joker, and does the unthinkable. He breaks his back, the his arms, then his legs, then his nose, then his ass, then his neck. Batman fucking kills Joker. We see the massive Ledger Joker on the horizon, and he begins to fade away. "It's time for Gotham to burn." he laments as he explodes, destroying himself, Batman, and the entire fucking city. We see a brief scene of Ernie and Bert getting fucking annihilated by the explosion. They scream. Freddie Mercury sits down at a piano bench, his jawline ever-expanding. "My work is done." he says as his eyebrows sink evily. Then 'Freddie' turns off his facial masking device and it's Joker. Somehow, he's alive. But he has no city. No home. No friends left. In the darkness, he laughs. The world is but a joke. -FIN Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck Category:Dubiousdugong